Commentary: Thank you, I didn't want to die Published Oct. 20, 2014 By Autumn Heather Chrum MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. -- I didn't want to die. I didn't know why, but I hoped there was something more to life than what I had experienced in my 29 years on this earth. The first person to love me without condition and believe what I told him about my past marriage, my junior high teacher, my friend's brother and my adoptive mother, sat in awe as I told him the details regarding each person and each situation. By the time I was done, he asked, "How are you still alive?" At the time, I did not understand the impact of the sexual, emotional, psychological and physical abuse - including beating, molestation, and rape I endured during those years. Upon arrival to Minot Air Force Base in the summer of 2012, the survival mode I knew all too well was not allowing me to live in a healthy relationship with my current husband. He had reached out to a victim advocate, and the next day, I met her. As she recently mentioned, I was a shell of a person. I lived in constant fear of invalidation, being terrorized, and being controlled by the abusive people who were in my life. She and another individual listened to me for two hours as I cried and let out all the secrets of my ex-husband that I carried for eight years. I absolutely could not be controlled, invalidated, or hurt by him or anyone else anymore. They listened, and they believed what I told them. I know without a doubt that I would not be where I am today had they not listened and believed me. After I told them much of what my ex-husband had done to me during seven years of marriage, an investigation was conducted on him for about a year. Everyone who heard my story believed me, but unfortunately the military could not charge him, because it was all circumstantial. This is unfortunate, because my story is probably not the only one in the Air Force and with situations similar to mine, you likely won't have the evidence you need. However, that did not stop me from seeking help and continuing my healing process. For the following two years while at Minot, I experienced the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder: nightmares and many other life-threatening situations. I still have PTSD and the nightmares, but I am not in that dark, hopeless place I once was. The man who is my husband now, the victim advocate and many others helped me to continue to persevere through those dark and daunting times. It wasn't easy to face my ex-husband, who had repeatedly raped and sexually assaulted me for seven years. But it was necessary, as we have two children together, and I knew it would only help me become stronger. Today, because of the husband I have, who has loved me without condition and never given up on me; my children who make me smile; the victim advocate who helped me; and therapists I have worked with, I can hold my head up and actually know what it means to "live" life. For too long I survived life, and now I am actually living it. I truly believe I would not be here today had those people not believed me, supported me and encouraged me the entire way. I want to thank my husband, Robert Chrum, for being the first person in my life to love me without condition and sitting by my side when I wasn't sure I would live to see the next day. I want to thank my victim advocate for believing, validating, and fighting for me and sharing, through an analogy, my story across the entire Air Force. Having shared my story with others has given my past a purpose, and for that, I am deeply grateful. Without these and others in my life today, I would not be "living" life. I'd still be surviving or dead. Thank you for helping to save my life.